"Gossip Girl" is back, bringing with it a new, very mysterious mystery.
I'm not talking about the Rufus and Lily love child, but about the mischief Blair was up to on New Years Eve.
OK. I'll rewind.
Over the break, Serena did go to Argentina with Aaron but broke up with him before the plane even landed. Because? She is still in love with Dan! (Not to mention Aaron was the worst. boyfriend. ever.)
And just like that, Dan and Serena are back together, acting all mushy and gushy in the halls as if nothing ever happened.
Jenny decides to go back to school because, as she says, if she can sabotage Eleanor Waldorf, get her clothes burned by a crazy model and be almost homeless, she can surely survive the evil witches at school. Especially since she and Eric are now the cutest best friends, ever.
She gets to school and sees the Queen Bees being particularly terrible to Nelly Yuki, a girl, it should be mentioned, with really amazing blue glasses.
"Nelly Yuki is the new, old Jenny Humphrey," says Eric, for the night's first of many hilarious lines of dialogue.
Jenny decides she will save Nelly Yuki and she launches an attack against the QBs. You know, really vicious stuff, like taking their table at Pinkberry.
The QBs tell their daddies, Jenny writes a Gossip Girl post about their dirty secrets and threatens to post it, so they basically call a truce.
Except that Nelly Yuki ditches Jenny because after all that, it turns out Jenny doesn't want the title of Queen Bee and why would Nelly waste her time with an unpopular kid? One that lives in Brooklyn, no less?
Meanwhile, after a lot of arguing and a really heartfelt "I'm a father" speech by Rufus, Lily agrees to help him search for their love child.
And that leaves us with Chuck.
Ever since his dad died, he's been extra reckless. His new, mysterious uncle had to fish him out of a smoky, lady-filled den and bring him back to the city.
This leads to a lot of forlorn Chuck, wandering around with messy hair, smoking hash in front of the principal. And Blair is legitimately worried.
Though she's supposed to impress some upper-crust, argyle-wearing society ladies, Blair kicks them out of her house to go save the boy who won't say "I love you" back to her.
Apparently, Chuck owns his burlesque club, Victrola, again? And he's throwing a party. And by the time Blair shows up, Chuck is on the roof, looking like he's ready to jump. Blair talks him down, tells him she'll always be there for him. Chuck takes her hand, says "I'm sorry" and crumples into her.
But before you go thinking that this is finally the time for Chuck and Blair, there's the new secret.
Chuck's uncle, Jack, puts Chuck in the limo and Blair is all, "I don't trust you to take care of him."
Jack says, "You don't really have a choice."
Then. She says it: "He can't know about New Year's Eve."
He can't know what?
Did Blair hook up with the uncle? Is that where this is going?
Until next week!