Stick and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
Not really.
“That's a silly nursery rhyme to help people lie to themselves to survive the playground experience,” says Eric Dezenhall, head of Dezenhall Resources, a Washington, D.C.-based crisis communication company.
The topic at hand is Mel Gibson and the destructive power of the things people say.
“When you start with the bigoted remarks, those are radioactive words,” Dezenhall says. Ethically speaking, he's steamed about Gibson's anti-Jewish tirade, issued during a recent arrest for alleged drunken driving. “The problem is he confirmed what people have long suspected, which is, he is bigoted.”
Others may disagree on what's in the heart of the Road Warrior. But there is little disagreement in their passion about the impact of hateful words.
“It matters very, very much because of what harm we do to people,” says Carole Mayhall, author of “Words that Hurt, Words that Heal.”
A Christian writer who lives in Colorado Springs, Mayhall believes that words are a mirror to a person's soul. “It tells something about a person's character and their relationship with God by what comes out of their mouths,” she adds.
However, before casting the first stone, it needs to be mentioned that he's had some company in the Stupid Slurs Department lately. Last week, state Sen. Don Perata, a Democrat from Oakland, called some San Diegans “crackers” because of their views on illegal immigrants. And Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney apologized last month for referring to a troubled construction project as a “tar baby.”
Even Mayhall herself admits she's not immune to foot-in-mouth disease. “So often, I say something I just want to reach up in the air and grab it and stuff it back into my mouth again – and it's too late.”
Still, Gibson's offense is made worse by its extreme language and his own very public stature.
“If you're going to be in the limelight, then you have a responsibility to act accordingly,” says Marisa Vallbona, president of CIM Incorporated, a public relations firm in La Jolla. “Adults hold you in high esteem. Children emulate you. Adults emulate you.”
Vallbona, who also serves as ethics officer for the local chapter of the Public Relations Society of America, commends Gibson for his apologies and his offer to meet with the Jewish community.
Because these words hurt everyone, even if you're not the target, she has some advice: “He needs to go low profile for at least a year.” And, if she were his PR agent, she'd put together a phone list of everyone he's ever worked with in Hollywood – from low-level technicians to big-name actors – and have Gibson personally apologize to them.
“I would sit him by the telephone and say, 'You're going to wake up early in the morning and you're not going to bed until late at night' .”
Dezenhall, in Washington, D.C., is skeptical. “Apologies work when the behavior is episodic,” he says. “They don't work as well when the behavior is chronic. The reason why this won't work with the Jewish community is they believe Mel Gibson's prejudice is chronic.”
Specifically, Gibson is being nailed by criticism over his 2004 film, “The Passion of the Christ,” which chronicled the last days of Jesus and which many Jewish leaders complained was anti-Semitic.
Gibson denied the accusation then and reiterated it in his most forceful apology issued last week. “This is not about a film,” he said. “Nor is it about artistic license. This is about real life and recognizing the consequences hurtful words can have.”
In a country where freedom of speech is prized, there is a fine line between exercising that freedom and abusing it. One test: Words need to be used in such a way “where we're not inciting more people, not creating more anger,” says Anne Seisen Saunders of the Sweetwater Zen Center in National City.
Another test comes from Vallbona, the La Jolla PR person: “Anything you say, you have to imagine it's going to be a headline.”
How much of a hangover the Oscar-winning actor/director will suffer from his drunken outburst remains to be seen.
“I don't know if it's irreparable, but it's certainly going to hurt him for a long time,” Vallbona says.
“I'm sure Mel Gibson can recover from this,” says Tina Malka, associate director of the San Diego office of the Anti-Defamation League. “He's in such a position of power that he will. But I think he's going to have to do what he says he's going to do.”
Besides asking for forgiveness, Gibson said it's his desire to “meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one-on-one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.”
At least one synagogue has responded. Rabbi David Baron of the Temple of the Arts Synagogue in Beverly Hills sent a letter last week inviting Gibson to speak to his congregation in October.
The proposed date: Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement.
Sandi Dolbee: (619) 293-2082; sandi.dolbee@uniontrib.com
