Mother of slain student will receive his diploma

June 11, 2001

SANTEE -- Mari Gordon-Rayborn left Santana High School in her sophomore year to give birth to her first son, Randy.

She missed graduation day with her class, and now her son will never see his. Randy, a senior at Santana, was shot and killed on campus three months ago by a student firing randomly from a bathroom doorway.

"It's just strange because I went there for freshman and sophomore year, and then I stopped because of Randy," she said. "It's just a real come-around thing."

In honor and sorrow, Gordon-Rayborn will wear her son's cap and gown and accept his diploma with the class of 2001.

"It's very unexplained, but I do have a need to do it," she said.

Thursday night, the Santee mom may be hard to distinguish among nearly 400 graduating seniors, awash in purple, seated in rows on the football field.

But only until the announcer calls out: Randy Michael Gordon.

The morning Randy died isn't seared in Gordon-Rayborn's memory. She can't allow that yet.

Only during the last two weeks have some poignant memories returned.

She was at a doctor's appointment early March 5 when she heard about the shooting. She didn't get there until 10:30 a.m., more than an hour after it had been reported. She remembers gripping the steering wheel of her van, trying hard not to drive fast, concentrating on the road.

"I got real upset in the van while I was driving. And I was saying to myself, 'If I get hurt now I won't be there for my son.' "

In the confused crowd of crying students and worried parents in a parking lot across from the school, she and her husband, Stan, found each other. Eventually they wound up in the Del Taco, which had been turned into a command post.

At first they were told Randy might be with friends. Time passed and no word. The crowd was thinning out. Gordon-Rayborn remembers Randy's track coach leaving her side while she was looking at a picture of Randy in her wallet. A sheriff's deputy appeared.

"I don't remember very much after the part where they tell you, 'I'm sorry to inform you . . . ' "

The last couple of weeks have been tough on the family. Gordon-Rayborn was hospitalized with a kidney infection for a week and her husband stayed home from work to take care of Randy's younger brother, Michael, and sister Allissa.

Exhausted by the illness, Gordon-Rayborn was discharged from the hospital just in time to attend the school's senior awards ceremony last Wednesday .

Representatives of the Navy presented the family a plaque and a flag that flew over the USS Arizona War Memorial during Randy's funeral. Randy had signed up for the Navy, specializing in naval intelligence, and would have left July 17 for training.

His family also received a proclamation from the California Legislature by way of Assemblywoman Charlene Zettel. And a flag flown over the U.S. Capitol came courtesy of Rep. Duncan Hunter.

The tributes fill the shelves of the Rayborn home. Thousands of letters from people all over the country expressing condolences are stored in the garage. There are also boxes of teddy bears, which were left at the school memorial.

In the back yard are the two wooden boards that were erected in front of the school for people to write their thoughts. They are crammed with words of hope and sorrow.

"I just didn't want to let them go," Gordon-Rayborn said. When it was time to take the memorial down, the school called the families of the two boys killed in the shooting, Randy and freshman Bryan Zuckor. With friends, the Zuckors and the Rayborns cleared out and cleaned up the memorial site.

The two families keep in touch and are steadily adding mementos of their sons to a Web page in their honor: http://www.forinnocentchildren.com.

Everyone is gearing up for another court hearing next month for the 15-year-old murder suspect.

"We'll get through the graduation stuff and then we'll get the court stuff again," said Stan Rayborn, Randy's stepfather. "I feel like it is never going to end."

The future for Gordon-Rayborn lies in the palms of her children's young hands. She smiles with pride when she talks about them. Michael is finishing the eighth grade and will attend Santana in the fall.

"He's very much interested in showing that he is not afraid," she said. "He's handling everyone very well."

Allissa will enter eighth grade in the fall.

"She's my little girl. I guess she is settled down a little more into her routine."

Then mom lets her eyes drift over the framed proclamations, medals and family photo albums lying on her living room couch. She sighs and folds her hands on her lap.

"I would definitely trade everything here to have Randy back."